This TWILIGHT Thing Is Totally Lost On Me

27 11 2011

In 10 days, the latest installment of the Twilight saga has raked in over $220 million domestically, and just under $500 million in the international market.

The franchise as a whole is worth just over $2 billion.

Some of the cast & crew appeared together at the 2009 MTV Movie Awards

I think it best to examine my feelings of confusion and disinterest in list form…

1. Vampire trend.
      Why are they so big? People act like this series of books/films are totally novel. Like The Lost Boys and Interview with a Vampire weren’t totally freaking amazing a mere decade or so ago.
     If vamps are the monster of the moment, fine.  Werewolves, zombies, demons and deformed cretins have had their share of exposure in creative, popular culture — but I find the Twilight series to have exasperated the genre.

2. Die-hards argue that the books are “so well written.”
    BULL. SHIT.  Stephanie Meyer got lucky, and that’s all there is too it. I have skimmed the novels and I have sampled the films. THEY. ARE. GARBAGE!  The writing is poor, the filming is strangely filtered, and the acting is C-List AT BEST.
   These books were totally targeted at middle-school age girls, and all it has done is reiterate the archane idea that everybody better find a man to sweep them off their feet.  These books have made an entire generation of young women, already at a disadvantage thanks to desensitization at the hands (mouth) of the Biebs and Miley Cyrus, stupider.

3. Fandemonium.
     Grown people, 99.999% women, getting tattoos of imagery from this “saga.” IT IS INSANE! They are ridiculous!
I hope they have people in their lives to taunt them relentlessly about their epicly poor choice to permanently etch a piece of literature that people in the future will look back and laughingly condemn us for.

4. The subject matter is a little mature considering Bella, Edward & the gang are supposed to be high school students. I thought followers of the LDS Church were highly moral individuals — this is risque stuff for Meyer to have thought up, never mind write down and publish.
       Women are going nuts for this, and taking their like 6 year old children to the movies! It freaks me out, plain and simple.   If you are a mother, you should not have a purse from Hot Topic with Robert Pattinson’s flat fucking no talent  pale face on it.  End of story.

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