I Wished for this on New Years Eve…

24 01 2014

… As Miley Cyrus idiotically rang in 2014 with Ryan Seacrest, and as Dick Clark no doubt turned over in his grave, I told my family I wanted but two things to happen this year:
1. I want Miley to go away. Girlfriend is twerking all over my last nerve!
2. I want a cure for Bieber Fever. This kid is such a tool (who hasn’t EVER had a #1 single in the US)!

J. Bieber Mugshot, via Miami PD Twitter

J. Bieber Mugshot, via Miami PD Twitter

So as I started my day (1/23), with usual still bleary-eyed readings of People and TMZ to get my pop culture juices flowin’, I was filled with joy at the headlines about Justin Bieber’s early morning arrest in Miami, FL.
Do I wish him harm? Of course not. He is incredibly lucky he has a huge team around to cater to his every whim and block off public streets for drunken drag racing. He’s also damn lucky no one was injured or killed, as he did have a passenger in the obnoxious yellow Lambo.
I do wish someone would teach this fucking moron man-child a thing or two about responsibility. It’s obvious his parents are not capable of influencing him in a positive or constructive way (Mom, Dad; let the finger-pointing begin). You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, someone who just won’t take your advice that waving to fans as you are released from jail is tacky… Especially if that someone is your teenaged child, who makes more in one month than you could in a lifetime.

This is a 19-year-old KID who has more money than he can actually fathom what to do with, and millions of fans who hang on his every tweet, affirming all of his poor behavior with empty pledges of “love” and praise. Under normal circumstances, the Biebs would be just another college kid. And college kids make mistakes. The difference here is, the whole world is watching him– and because he takes their money for iTunes singles, stupid flashy merchandise, and concert tickets– he is accountable to that audience. He has to play the part of squeaky-clean, hormonally-neutral, parent-approved teeny bopper. That is literally what he signed up for.

Justin Bieber: Professional DBag.

Justin Bieber: Professional DBag.

The Biebs is just the latest example of a child star gone off the rails. Historically, a family background of addiction, generational criminality or domestic abuse, and disadvantaged economic status are common among child performers. Such factors are present in the Bieber background, having been not only acknowledged, but openly discussed for [further] profit, by Bieber’s mother, Pattie Mallette.
As the adorable-now-sophisticated Mara Wilson, former child star (Matilda, One Simple Wish, Mrs. Doubtfire), explained in a spring 2013 article for Cracked.com, ‘many child stars find themselves wanting to rebel in ways that would be detrimental to their careers.’ Some stay in line, and end up miserable,’ having been pushed into acting as a means of supporting their families.’ Others are presented with inappropriate opportunities or set up for exploitation, given the ‘adult nature of Hollywood that sometimes prevents even the best parents from being able to protect their child from the industry.’
Joke as we will, but with too much money, nothin’ but time, and nobody to say ‘no,’ there are a finite number of conclusions to the career (and life, if he keeps this up) of Justin Drew Bieber. Here’s a little list for you, with other child stars individuals to consider, as we think about what’s going to be Team Bieber’s next move…

*Best Case Scenarios:
Drew Barrymore
Demi Lovato

*Desperate Obscurity:
Dustin Diamond
Erin Moran

*Worst Case Scenarios:
Mackenzie Phillips
Brad Renfro

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