“You Suck” and Other Passive-Aggressive Jams

15 12 2014

As much as look forward to new releases and awards season, moments of triumph and honor for my favorite stars… I am completely guilty of enjoying their personal and professional lows just as well. I consume pop culture and celebrity news each waking hour of my day; absorbing the good, the bad, and the ugly indiscriminately.
Sorry not sorry but the silly, weak, thinly veiled instances where they lash out at each other are just as satisfying as when a cast lauds each other and their project, because it reminds me that they’re still just people! The following list of songs are some of the more passive-aggressive tunes in recent memory; they basically exist because the celebs in question have issues to address & feelings to express, but they pretend their privacy is so valuable that they can’t just come out with it about a given feud.

Inspired by Abigail Breslin’s recently released song “You Suck” which is a not so stealth attack on former flame, Michael Clifford, of 5SOS ‘fame,’  here’s a little list of my favorite passive-aggressive musical moments! An angry tweet can entertain us for days, but an ambiguously targeted lyric can spark fodder for a career (Carly, Alanis — I’m looking at you!).

 

10 – 7. Gwen Stefani, “Hollaback Girl” – Trent Reznor/NIN, “Starfuckers, Inc” – Stone Temple Pilots, “Too Cool Queenie” – Foo Fighters, “I’ll Stick Around
Target: 
Issue: General bitchery and fame grubbing
Most scathing lyric: [STP] “There was this boy / He played in a rock-n-roll band / And he wasn’t half-bad, At saving the world / She said he could do no right / So he took his life / His story is true…  It’s ok cause what goes around, comes around / It’s all right cause what goes around, comes around”

 

6. Rihanna, “Cold Case Love
Target: 
Issue: On-going Physical & Emotional Abuse
Most scathing lyric: “But your love ain’t the kind you can keep / Release me now cause I did my time / Of this cold case love / My heart’s no longer cold & confined / I’ve had enough”

 

5. Jonas Brothers, “Much Better
Target: 
Issue: Less than amicable break-up
Most scathing lyric: Get a rep for breakin’ hearts / Now I’m done with superstars / And all the tears on her guitar / I’m not bitter / Now I see everything I’d ever need / Is the girl in front of me / She’s much better”

 

4. Katy Perry, “Circle the Drain
Target: 
Issue: Addiction
Most scathing lyric: “Wanna be your lover, not your fucking mother / Can’t be your savior, I don’t have the power / I’m not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain”

 

3. Justin Timberlake, “Cry Me A River
Target: 
Issue: Infidelity
Most scathing lyric: “You don’t have to say, what you did / I already know, I found out from him / Now there’s just no chance, for you and me, there’ll never be / And don’t it make you sad about it”

 

2. Selena Gomez, “The Heart Wants What It Wants
Target:
Issue: General Douchebaggery & Insensitivity
Most scathing lyric: 
“You got me scattered in pieces, Shining like stars and screaming / Lighting me up like Venus, But then you disappear and make me wait / And every second’s like torture, Hell over trip, no more so / Finding a way to let go, Baby baby no I can’t escape”

 

1. Taylor Swift, “Dear John
Target: 
Issue: 
General Douchebaggery & Game Playing
Most scathing lyric: “You are an expert at ‘Sorry,’ And keeping lines blurry / Never impressed by me acing your tests / All the girls that you’ve run dry have tired lifeless eyes, Cause you’ve burned them out / But I took your matches, Before fire could catch me, So don’t look now / I’m shining like fireworks, Over your sad empty town”

 

 





Married ‘Smash’ Director Catches The McPheever…

22 10 2013

Like many families across the US, mine were avid “American Idol” watchers (until the abomination of Nicki Minaj judging took over the airwaves).  Our hooting and hollering was usually in good fun, unless we found ourselves at odds over a contestant.
Season 5, which aired in 2006, was a particularly hostile year.  I couldn’t explain it, but I was dead-set against Katharine McPhee. Week after week as she progressed in the competition, I did not catch ‘the McPheever.’  I deliberately wrote the call-in numbers down wrong so my family couldn’t vote for her!

I have always thought, though McPhee has been candid about her struggles before reaching stardom, she was one of those needy, annoying starlets who didn’t have the chops to live up to the hype her ‘people’ generated.  Her turns onscreen in The House Bunny and Shark Night 3D were less than Oscar Razzie-worthy.  Her albums, released in 2007 and (two in) 2010, were only modestly successful.

In 2008, she made headlines (in People, Us Weekly anyway) for marrying her significantly older beau, Nick Cokas.  Earlier this year, McPhee told Lucky magazine that although she had pictured life a little differently, she is glad not to have any children yet. “I’m selfish right now, but that’s how and where I should be. The thing is, work is the thing I love the most,” she said. Her  five-year marriage to Cokas was confirmed/acknowledged in the article as well (January 2013 issue).

I fully admit to being a gossipy, judgmental kind of person sometimes, but when someone doesn’t sit well with me, it is never for no reason. The personality flaws and errors in morality may not be immediately apparent, but I’ve had the misfortune of finding, eventually, everyone is who I think they are.
I also will disclose that I am guilty of often letting the personal lives of some celebs, as told by those nagging glossy tabloids at the grocery check-out, get in the way of my enjoying their work. (HALLE BERRY & TOM CRUISE, for example. )

(Photo Credit: TMZ)

(Photo Credit: TMZ)

So today when I logged into TMZ, as I do every day as I snack on my lunch, I was not surprised to read that McPhee was caught, in the middle of the California sunshine, kissing her ALSO MARRIED former Smash series director, Michael Morris.

I was incensed by this news because Morris, who previously produced and directed for ABC’s Brothers & Sisters series, himself is married– to the wonderful, talented, hilarious Mary McCormack (formerly of The West Wing and In Plain Sight).  How can these celebs continually misbehave and think they’ll get away with it? When you live a public life, you are never alone and, depending on the level of fame you achieve, your business is never just your own. It’s the price you pay for willingly participating in an industry that is in cahoots with the sensationalism of a 24/7 news media.

Though I anticipate statements from each camp by week’s end (a source has already told TMZ McPhee and Cokas have been living apart for 6 months), I can’t help but be reminded of the love-triangles and humiliating marriage-ending affairs passed… (Just to name a few!)

Tiger Woods and Elin Nordgren; other woman: Rachel Uchitel (among many others).

LeeAnn Rimes and Dean Shermet; other man: Eddie Cibrian (who was also married, to Brandi Glanville).

Sandra Bullock and Jesse James; other woman: Michelle McGee (among others).

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart; other man: Rupert Saunders (who was married to model Liberty Ross at the time).
**Stewart is also said to have cheated on her boyfriend of 3-years, Michael Angarano, with Pattinson.

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe; other woman: Abby Cornish.

Former POTUS Bill Clinton and Hilary Clinton; other women: Monica Lewinsky, Ginnifer Flowers, Paula Jones…

Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid; other man: Russell Crowe.

Debbie Reynolds and Eddie Fisher; other woman: Elizabeth Taylor.