“You Suck” and Other Passive-Aggressive Jams

15 12 2014

As much as look forward to new releases and awards season, moments of triumph and honor for my favorite stars… I am completely guilty of enjoying their personal and professional lows just as well. I consume pop culture and celebrity news each waking hour of my day; absorbing the good, the bad, and the ugly indiscriminately.
Sorry not sorry but the silly, weak, thinly veiled instances where they lash out at each other are just as satisfying as when a cast lauds each other and their project, because it reminds me that they’re still just people! The following list of songs are some of the more passive-aggressive tunes in recent memory; they basically exist because the celebs in question have issues to address & feelings to express, but they pretend their privacy is so valuable that they can’t just come out with it about a given feud.

Inspired by Abigail Breslin’s recently released song “You Suck” which is a not so stealth attack on former flame, Michael Clifford, of 5SOS ‘fame,’  here’s a little list of my favorite passive-aggressive musical moments! An angry tweet can entertain us for days, but an ambiguously targeted lyric can spark fodder for a career (Carly, Alanis — I’m looking at you!).


10 – 7. Gwen Stefani, “Hollaback Girl” – Trent Reznor/NIN, “Starfuckers, Inc” – Stone Temple Pilots, “Too Cool Queenie” – Foo Fighters, “I’ll Stick Around
Issue: General bitchery and fame grubbing
Most scathing lyric: [STP] “There was this boy / He played in a rock-n-roll band / And he wasn’t half-bad, At saving the world / She said he could do no right / So he took his life / His story is true…  It’s ok cause what goes around, comes around / It’s all right cause what goes around, comes around”


6. Rihanna, “Cold Case Love
Issue: On-going Physical & Emotional Abuse
Most scathing lyric: “But your love ain’t the kind you can keep / Release me now cause I did my time / Of this cold case love / My heart’s no longer cold & confined / I’ve had enough”


5. Jonas Brothers, “Much Better
Issue: Less than amicable break-up
Most scathing lyric: Get a rep for breakin’ hearts / Now I’m done with superstars / And all the tears on her guitar / I’m not bitter / Now I see everything I’d ever need / Is the girl in front of me / She’s much better”


4. Katy Perry, “Circle the Drain
Issue: Addiction
Most scathing lyric: “Wanna be your lover, not your fucking mother / Can’t be your savior, I don’t have the power / I’m not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain”


3. Justin Timberlake, “Cry Me A River
Issue: Infidelity
Most scathing lyric: “You don’t have to say, what you did / I already know, I found out from him / Now there’s just no chance, for you and me, there’ll never be / And don’t it make you sad about it”


2. Selena Gomez, “The Heart Wants What It Wants
Issue: General Douchebaggery & Insensitivity
Most scathing lyric: 
“You got me scattered in pieces, Shining like stars and screaming / Lighting me up like Venus, But then you disappear and make me wait / And every second’s like torture, Hell over trip, no more so / Finding a way to let go, Baby baby no I can’t escape”


1. Taylor Swift, “Dear John
General Douchebaggery & Game Playing
Most scathing lyric: “You are an expert at ‘Sorry,’ And keeping lines blurry / Never impressed by me acing your tests / All the girls that you’ve run dry have tired lifeless eyes, Cause you’ve burned them out / But I took your matches, Before fire could catch me, So don’t look now / I’m shining like fireworks, Over your sad empty town”



Thanks a lot, kids from Kegs and Eggs.

24 03 2011

I’m sure you’ve read about us in the Wall Street Journal or heard some snippet from Glenn Beck about the hooligans in central NY who drunkenly trashed a neigborhood the weekend before St. Patrick’s Day.

I can’t tell you that didn’t happen, but I can assure you that- as a student at UAlbany- we do not all behave that way, BUT we are all being punished.

Youtube searches for the term “Kegs and Eggs 2011” yield over a hundred results. The evidence against these assholes is irrefutable, and it’s mostly their own faults for getting caught.  The news outlets and the police got the footage that is so devastating and incriminating FROM YOU. You guys filmed yourselves! And then put it on the internet!

A girl in one of my classes said that the riot and the destruction was “one of the most entertaining things” she’s ever seen, and that she was “glad they did it.”
She is a moron.  Unfortunately this school is full of them.

Almost every one else that I have talked to about the events of Kegs and Eggs ’11 are mortified, humiliated, angry, confused… The idea that our peers could get so reckless and deviant would have sounded absolutely preposterous before it happened.  Are there bar fights? Of course.   Cab fare disputes? Every day.  But hundred person large stampedes through Pine Hills?  Never before!

I really am at a loss to try to explain or apologize on their behalf, because there are no excuses.
I think that my school is handling this very well, and I look forward to hearing about who gets not only arrested but expelled from this point on.

When I was applying to colleges, the guidence counselors at my high school made it known that the 3 hardest SUNYs to get into were Cortland, Albany, and Binghamton.
I think that this would only be true today, if every one of them lowered their admission standards. There is not way, after my experience for 4 years here, that Albany is anything but a breeze to get into. I think it’s really just a numbers game, the first 47% to apply are in. 
Maybe that’s how it was when I got in, I’m nothing special, I never questioned it until I got here and people continually make the “there, they’re, their” mistake in every single writing class.
[OMFG, Change your major, wouldja?!!]

I’ve heard some wild stories about both Cortland and Binghamton students, but they have no where near the reputation that UAlbany has. (Thanks alot, 2004 Princeton Review.)


The most recent chapter in the Kegs and Eggs saga of Spring ’11 semester is the cancellation of Fountain Day.
The seasonal celebration, and arguably the ONLY campus event worth going to, was set to be held on April 10.

President George Philip said via email, “The shocking conduct of a few that day stands in stark contrast to the behavior of the vast majority of hard working students who are intent on pursuing an education and contributing to society. 

The University is now facing severe criticism.  The behavior exhibited by some of our students has many questioning the integrity of our University and, as a community, we must respond.  Consequently, we face some difficult choices, including the future of Fountain Day.”

I get it, really, I do– The school would have been hounded even harder if they had let this event go on as planned. It would have been like rewarding us for destroying $12,000+ of property.

My problem with this decision is that Fountain Day never had to be the free-for-all it is now known as.
My very first year here, I was so shocked by what went on right in front of the staff, UPD, and our professors.

People from my dorm, who could not have been over 19 at the time, were totally wasted the entire day. People were throwing up wherever they happened to stumble, and the general merriment turned to mayhem when the water started to flow.

This could easily have been prevented if the University had stood behind any of the threats to kick people who were intoxicated out… closing them in a classroom that immediately flanks the fun and is easily escapable was just poor planning.  Legal or not, they should have breathalized every single person who they checked in. What is the point of having us register and swipe in, if we can get loaded in the parking lot and jump one of the corner baricades that isn’t guarded?

 Kegs and Eggs, Fountain Days passed, and house parties raided… SUNY Albany’s administration is going to have to crack down AND HARD in order to weed out the students who have chosen to stick around following the department cuts that had everyone up in arms last fall.  Slim the crowd, get ’em under control, and then fix our reptuation.

At this point, with graduation a mere 51 days away, I am absolutely terrified of the first job interview I have and the sort of questions they will have for a Great Dane alum.  Jeez Louise. 
I didn’t come here to party– It sucks that I will have wasted 4 years and $70,000, and will have to explain why my degree is not garbage for the rest of my life.