“You Suck” and Other Passive-Aggressive Jams

15 12 2014

As much as look forward to new releases and awards season, moments of triumph and honor for my favorite stars… I am completely guilty of enjoying their personal and professional lows just as well. I consume pop culture and celebrity news each waking hour of my day; absorbing the good, the bad, and the ugly indiscriminately.
Sorry not sorry but the silly, weak, thinly veiled instances where they lash out at each other are just as satisfying as when a cast lauds each other and their project, because it reminds me that they’re still just people! The following list of songs are some of the more passive-aggressive tunes in recent memory; they basically exist because the celebs in question have issues to address & feelings to express, but they pretend their privacy is so valuable that they can’t just come out with it about a given feud.

Inspired by Abigail Breslin’s recently released song “You Suck” which is a not so stealth attack on former flame, Michael Clifford, of 5SOS ‘fame,’  here’s a little list of my favorite passive-aggressive musical moments! An angry tweet can entertain us for days, but an ambiguously targeted lyric can spark fodder for a career (Carly, Alanis — I’m looking at you!).

 

10 – 7. Gwen Stefani, “Hollaback Girl” – Trent Reznor/NIN, “Starfuckers, Inc” – Stone Temple Pilots, “Too Cool Queenie” – Foo Fighters, “I’ll Stick Around
Target: 
Issue: General bitchery and fame grubbing
Most scathing lyric: [STP] “There was this boy / He played in a rock-n-roll band / And he wasn’t half-bad, At saving the world / She said he could do no right / So he took his life / His story is true…  It’s ok cause what goes around, comes around / It’s all right cause what goes around, comes around”

 

6. Rihanna, “Cold Case Love
Target: 
Issue: On-going Physical & Emotional Abuse
Most scathing lyric: “But your love ain’t the kind you can keep / Release me now cause I did my time / Of this cold case love / My heart’s no longer cold & confined / I’ve had enough”

 

5. Jonas Brothers, “Much Better
Target: 
Issue: Less than amicable break-up
Most scathing lyric: Get a rep for breakin’ hearts / Now I’m done with superstars / And all the tears on her guitar / I’m not bitter / Now I see everything I’d ever need / Is the girl in front of me / She’s much better”

 

4. Katy Perry, “Circle the Drain
Target: 
Issue: Addiction
Most scathing lyric: “Wanna be your lover, not your fucking mother / Can’t be your savior, I don’t have the power / I’m not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain”

 

3. Justin Timberlake, “Cry Me A River
Target: 
Issue: Infidelity
Most scathing lyric: “You don’t have to say, what you did / I already know, I found out from him / Now there’s just no chance, for you and me, there’ll never be / And don’t it make you sad about it”

 

2. Selena Gomez, “The Heart Wants What It Wants
Target:
Issue: General Douchebaggery & Insensitivity
Most scathing lyric: 
“You got me scattered in pieces, Shining like stars and screaming / Lighting me up like Venus, But then you disappear and make me wait / And every second’s like torture, Hell over trip, no more so / Finding a way to let go, Baby baby no I can’t escape”

 

1. Taylor Swift, “Dear John
Target: 
Issue: 
General Douchebaggery & Game Playing
Most scathing lyric: “You are an expert at ‘Sorry,’ And keeping lines blurry / Never impressed by me acing your tests / All the girls that you’ve run dry have tired lifeless eyes, Cause you’ve burned them out / But I took your matches, Before fire could catch me, So don’t look now / I’m shining like fireworks, Over your sad empty town”

 

 

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Oh, Mia Farrow, You Attention-Starved Hasbeen…

4 10 2013

Why exactly is it a big deal that Mia Farrow and 8 of her 15 children agreed to be interviewed by Vanity Fair?

(Undated file photo, via People.)

(Undated file photo, via People.)

I read the teaser article and contributor Maureen Orth’s original, sprawling 1992 profile of  Farrow (and the custody battle of the decade), but I am at a loss as to why this is pertinent news. (We can all thank the Journalism Department at the University at Albany for my keen evaluation and desire for stories that are timely!)

Mia Farrow’s career consists of films made mostly during the 1960s-1980s. She has worked only sporadically on screen since the 1990s, and has not been in a mainstream, money-making film of note since 2006′s The Omen; so excuse me for pointing out her lack of relevancy. (She appeared in Jack Black’s comedy Be Kind Rewind in 2008 but let’s be real, nobody saw it! The film, which basically ripped off a Nickelodeon kid’s sketch, grossed only $30 million.)
I will grant however, she has done remarkable work on behalf of UNICEF and other humanitarian organizations. But in our salacious, often invasive, 24/7 celebrity media culture, your good deeds only get you so far in the press.

Undoubtedly aware of this, Farrow coyly answered Orth’s blunt question of son Ronan’s paternity; “Possibly,” she claims, the 25-year-old could have been fathered by Farrow’s ex-husband Frank Sinatra. The very inkling single-handedly sent blogs and weekly glossy mags into a frenzy.
Though Farrow claims she and Sinatra “never really split up,” despite her having been served with divorce papers on the set of Rosemary’s Baby in 1968; Barbara Sinatra (who was married to the prolific musician from 1978 until his death in 1998) was quoted by BBC that the mere idea “sounds like a phony to me.”
Woody Allen, Farrow’s partner of over a decade and presumed father of Ronan (born Satchel O’Sullivan Farrow; later called Seamus Ronan Farrow), stated through a representative that “The article is so fictitious and extravagantly absurd that he is not going to comment.” Although estranged from Farrow, and thereby Ronan, since the early 90s when he took up with now-wife Soon-Yi Previn–it would appear that Allen still holds the boy in regard as his only natural child.

(Present day Farrow; Photo via Esquire)

(Present day Farrow; Photo via Esquire)

I kind of can’t help but think of Farrow as a former good-time-girl with a grudge. Was Woody Allen’s betrayal absolutely depraved and immoral? Yes.  Does she have every right to be humiliated? Yes.  But to toss around accusations like this, 20 years after the fact, is just sad. Everyone in the free world knows about DNA testing, and I feel like in 1992 when shit was goin’ down that having a paternity test done would have been just the nail she needed to close the door on Allen for good.

This whole thing seems, as Miley Cyrus would say, a strategic hot mess.

Some people have viewed her as an ethereal, Earth Mother-y woman, but former Farrow family nanny Kristi Groteke says, “Scratch the surface of Mia’s naivety and bewilderment, and you get a woman who knows what’s happening.”  It should be assumed, at this point, that a woman with so much experience with men letting her down (her father was a philandering drunk, her ) is not the doe-eyed ingenue of Peyton Place. This crusader for the underprivileged has enough world experience to know how to play all the detail-hungry Hollywood games.

This will no doubt continue to be media fodder until the whole article is released, in VF’s November issue, but I am more interested to see if anything truly comes of it. Perhaps on the first edition of Ronan Farrow’s rumored MSNBC weekend show he could do a cross-over special with Maury Povich and out WHO IS THE FATHER! (I kid, but that would be awesome.)

 

 





Startling Number of Celebrity Scientologists

12 07 2013

So, breaking news in dedicated pop culture circles (like the one I live in):
Actress Leah Remini, best known for her role as Carrie Heffernan on King of Queens, has left the controversial ‘religion.’ She has previously admitted to participating in the Scientology organization for “half my life” (during an interview with Howard Stern) despite being born into a Catholic family in NYC’s Bensonhurst neighborhood.

Read her tweet in response to the news here, via People.

What people perhaps do not understand is just how many Hollywood figures are involved with this organization, to varying degrees. Tom Cruise and John Travolta are the two celebrities most often mentioned in Scientology talk, but they are just the guys standing on the tip of the iceberg.

I have always been fascinated with Scientology, but after reading Jenna Miscavige Hill’s book Beyond Belief and subsequently finding Tony Ortega’s blog I am simultaneously horrified by the very existence of such a group in this country, let alone how many people subject themselves to the ridiculous rigmarole and hierarchy.

I understand that Wikipedia information is to be taken with a grain of salt, as just about anyone can register on the site and begin ‘educating’ others. However, it is the clearest, most comprehensive list of past and present members of note that I have come across. It is worth noting, there is over 100 citations on the page, linking out to independent pages to research the claims. I believe this is so that anyone working for Scientology cannot claim otherwise, as they so often do. Additionally, it has been suggested that full staffs within the Scientology organization are tasked with surfing the internet for anti-Scientology materials and defeating them; be it through threat of legal consequence, blatant comment-bombing and general slandering, or

Here’s a few names that I’ve come across in my Scientology enraged information collection research that surprised me the most (and a little identifier for those of you who fill your brains with meaningful trivia):
– Erika Christensen; the beautiful actress, best known for roles in Traffic and on NBC’s Parenthood series. Christensen was homeschooled, and raised within Scientology.
– the Masterson brothers, Christopher and Danny; actors who have appeared on Malcolm in the Middle and That 70s Show. The boys, along with their half siblings Jordan and Alana, were all raised in ‘the faith.’
– Elisabeth Moss; breakout star of Mad Men is the daughter of (one of) the most powerful entertainment agents in Hollywood. She too was born into Scientology.
– Ethan Suplee; the former Boy Meets World bully was introduced to Scientology by his My Name Is Earl co-star Jason Lee (who is a hugely enthusiastic about the organization).
– Greta van Susteren; former practicing attorney, current news anchor and contributor for Fox News and CNN networks. Honestly, I can’t help thinking “She’s too smart for this.”
– Giovanni Ribisi; accomplished character actor and downright dreamy dude. He and his twin sister, model Marissa Ribisi, were born into the group. Marissa is married to musician Beck, a second-generation Scientologist himself; while Giovanni married British model Agyness Deyn, subsequently bringing her into the fold.

Please keep in mind, these are also people that will probably not befriend or work with Katie Holmes for the next billion years or so, as she remains persona non grata following last years very public (and very courageous) split from husband of 6 years, Tom Cruise.

UPDATE: See this Huffington Post article about Kirstie Alley’s twitter freak out! Alley, an actress known for her roles in the 80s and 90s, is reportedly ‘livid’ about Remini’s defection from Scientology. Great little whos-who of celeb Scientologists slide show attached!





Tyler Shields is a raging psychopath

20 06 2012

So I wasn’t really jazzed when E! was promoting the new show Mrs. Eastwood & Company, but I ended up catching bits of the first few episodes… I don’t hate it. I’m not sure who thought up this program (though I suspect Seacrest had a tiny hand in it!), the family seems amusing enough but I doubt anyone in E!’s young demographic was dying to know about Clint Eastwood’s second wife.

Dina Eastwood is a pretty cool lady. 
After growing up in a working-class family in Castro Valley, CA, she received a degree in broadcast journalism from San Francisco State.  She worked at various locally oriented stations through the early 90s, before meeting and marrying Eastwood in 1996. Dina would go on to host an educationally based television program “Quest for Excellence” in 1998.

I find that Dina is full of energy, investing herself fully into whatever task lay at hand. I hesitate to say she comes off as too pleased with her status as A-List spouse, because she imparts very reasonable lessons whilst trying to reign in her privileged daughters.

She seems to have a true journalist spirit, interests across the board and a deep-seeded desire to learn about them all. The project of the moment being manager to South African a cappella boyband ‘Overtone,’ to whom she was introduced while accompanying Clint on location for Invictus (2009).

Also featured on the reality show are Dina’s “company.”
Step-daughter Francesca Fisher-Eastwood (18), daughter Morgan (15), Lisa Thrash (family housekeeper), the 6 guys of ‘Overtone,’ and Francesca’s insane liar of a boyfriend, photographer Tyler Shields (30).

And that brings me to my topic: TYLER SHIELDS.

Within minutes of his first appearance on the screen, I knew he was bad news. And I couldn’t help but wonder why his name was so familiar…  Behold the magic of Google. Shields is a professional photographer/artist, known publicly for his highly controversial pictorials with a gun-toting Lindsay Lohan and battered Heather Morris.

 

The Florida native was previously a ranked vert skater, having participated in the X-Games and tours with the Godfather of Skateboarding, Tony Hawk.
With no formal training to speak of, Shields seems to have fallen into his (current) profession the way so many people caught their breaks in the early 2000s: via Myspace. He has been deemed “young Hollywoods favorite photographer” by several online outlets, including PopEater, Celebuzz and the Daily Mail.

 I am stunned at the number of up-and-comers who pose for/with him. They seek Shields out, perhaps behind the backs of their management, in order to get the thrill of working with the crazy blood guy.

Well this guy is so egomaniacal, on Sundays episode he went so far as to tell Dina Eastwood he was a doctor when one of Morgan’s young friends was injured in the family swimming pool. (Her nose was bloody, though not broken.)  He has Francesca totally under a spell. She stated in an interview for the episode that he is “the one.”
I think he’s “the one” who is going to dump her when he gets where he wants to be. Dating the daughter of one of the most prolific actor/directors alive today, and appearing on the family’s reality show, is a great way to market himself.
And that fact has NOT escaped Shields’ consciousness.  The shock value of his work right now is not going to garner him the staying power of other and historical significance of David LaChappelle or Andres Serrano.

Francesca Eastwood, who has already posed for Shields in two not-so-safe scenarios (hanging precariously off a bridge and mutilating a $100k flaming handbag with a chainsaw), could end up in jail — as the cast of The CW’s Vampire Diaries found themselves in 2009 after a night romp in Georgia with Shields– or worse, as death threats for the pair have flown in since the artistic incident aired on June 10.

The latest episode also revealed that Shields is not “close” with his own family, therefore excited at the prospect of being accepted by the Eastwoods. His own family probably recognized those sociopathic tendencies and flair for the grandiose that Dina picked up on.
Subsequently, Dina declared that she never wanted to be in the same room with him again. Easier said than done when you’re (literally) on an island.





Life Beginning to Imitate Art for SATC Creator

7 12 2011

News broke this week that columnist/author Candace Bushnell, the woman responsible for the wildly popular Sex and the City franchise, has filed for divorce from her husband of nine years, professional ballet dancer Charles Askegard.

Initially proceedings began “amicably,” sources told the New York Post. Then, Bushnell found out about Askegard’s affair with fellow New York Ballet troupe member Georgina Pazcoguin.

Bushnell believed the relationship between her soon-to-be ex-husband and Pazcoguin, which motivated her to name the woman a co-respondent in the divorce papers.

 

Bushnell said in a statement, “I still care about Charles as a person. I respect his desire to pursue his own happiness and hope that we will continue to be friends in the future.”

Askegard and Pazcoguin each had no comment this week.





Celebrity Marriage Radar

9 11 2011

I. Called. It.

72 days after their “fairytale” wedding, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries’ union has come to a sharp, nightmarish end.

Thoughts:
1. Kim is the most annoying Kardashian. She clearly has low self-esteem, which explains her incessant attention seeking. I believe she would have said ‘yes’ to whomever she was dating, she was so desperate to be married.

2. I would absolutely believe it if someone were to suggest that the “Keeping Up” producers influenced Kris Humphries proposal. The E! Network has, of course, already denied such talk.

3. Have families who are approached for a ‘reality’ series learned nothing from THE GOSSELINS? THE HOGANS? Hello! Playing along with “concepts” the network suggests and airing out your dysfunctional eccentricities will NOT make you closer.

I’m over this and I’m over her!
#TeamKhloe  lol





The Greasy and Skanky Show

21 06 2011

The American public collectively grimace as motorcycle guru Jesse James and his tattoo entrepreneur fiance Kat Von D continue their campaign for trashiest couple.

Seemingly unsolicited, the pair announced last week that they are in fact still together and planning to marry later this season. I’m not sure who was concerned about a possible split, as no two people have ever deserved eachother, nor repulsed the viewing public, more.

For those of you who don’t know (because you live under a rock) James, 42, is thrice-divorced– most recently from America’s Sweetheart, actress Sandra Bullock. The pair were married from July 2005 until March 2010, when they separated amidst the news of James’ many infidelities.

Von D, 29, who was married once before to fellow tattooer Oliver Peck, does not enter this union without scandal. It has been alleged (largely by Peck) that she dabbled in drugs and is “obsessed with fame.” Her four-year marriage to Peck ended when he filed for divorce upon hearing from a friend that Kat was stepping out on him. Von D has admitted to a struggle with alcohol abuse, but claims sobriety since 2008.