Michigan Mother Arrested for Attempted Murder of Disabled Teen Daughter

7 09 2013

I am so appalled by a People magazine brief I read online about this Michigan mother who tried to kill her autistic 14-year-old.  I can’t not comment on this.

Kelli Stapelton Mug Shot; Benzie County, MI

Kelli Stapelton Mug Shot;
Benzie County, MI

I can imagine, to a degree, what it’s like to parent a differently abled child; as my mother has been an educator and administrator in the special ed sector for nearly three decades. She worked with kids who were emotionally disturbed, had mental retardation, and autism. I have grown up being exposed to, and fairly well educated on, their issues and limitations, as well as the strategies and successes; and participated in different activities with and for autistic children and young adults. On several occasions, particular students that struck a chord with her would be brought into our home and included in family activities.
My mom’s stories about some of the pitiful families these kids come from turn your stomach and break your heart. These children are not disposable, not a single one of them, no matter how impaired or volatile. People with patience can achieve results that will leave the kid feeling capable and valuable.

That said, reading about the the accused, Kelli Stapleton, sent me immediately into a kind of rage. HOW could any parent kill their child? HOW could any parent of a disabled child turn on them that way? HOW will this girl, if she ever recovers, be able to trust her mother (and primary caregiver) again?!

I was compelled to read Stapleton’s blog, which is titled “The Status Woe,” which was not only referenced but quoted in the People article. (DISCLOSURE: Like this page, it is hosted by WordPress.)

I cannot believe what I read.  It is one thing to advocate for your child, a very necessary thing whether they fall on the spectrum or not, but quite another to admit to bullying your way to get what you want-– when the trained professionals have a different plan for how best to manage your child’s day to day. “It takes a village,” unless Kelli Stapleton lives in that village. She is a one-woman show.
Besides the fact that this woman has put their entire lives, every bloody detail, out there for the world when her daughter has no way to protest; I was disturbed by the amount of attention-seeking and immature illustrating Stapleton does.  How can someone expect to be respected and taken seriously when they have adorned their “website” with gifs and banners, admitted to being profanely vulgar towards a county mental health staff, or chastising a teacher (and co-worker of your spouse!) because she dared to do her job and input on the ‘behavior plan.’

There are certain phrases, buzz words if you will, that people in this industry- parents, educators and aides, and (OT/PT) therapists- do not use. (Ex: Normal.) Stapleton’s blog is littered with them and she places blame on the child for behavior she is not yet able to control (Ex: stating her daughter makes their homelife ‘horrific’). These are not altogether unforgivable offenses, but they raise red flags.  Stapleton is very ‘me me me,’ telling the Traverse City Record-Eagle last February that she started her blog because “I felt like I needed witnesses… If I didn’t survive this situation, I wanted people to know that I was a good mom and I did everything I could do, and I asked for help from all these resources.”
She even blogged that, “For 12 years, I have done a fabulous job of complementing professionals to stroke egos, kissing enormous asses to get needs met, flexing my muscles when necessary, and begging when it was called for,” but stated outright that no one would be “FUCKING WITH THE BEHAVIOR PLAN.” Seems to me like it’s Stapleton’s way or the highway, and that means her daughter’s well-being hangs in the balance.

I won’t feign sympathy for someone who tried to kill their child, and being that her family has volunteered personal information by way of that blog, and a Facebook group, I CAN CRITICIZE HER ALL I WANT.

Isabelle, and her father, Matthew Stapleton. Photo source: The Daily Mail (UK)

Isabelle, and her father, Matthew Stapleton.
Photo source: The Daily Mail (UK)

Stapleton’s husband, Matthew, wrote (in part) on the “Team Issy” Facebook September 5th: “So many of you have been very supportive of Isabelle and my family… and for this we are grateful. We are blessed with supportive friends, family, and an incredible community. Even strangers have been supportive of Issy and we ask that they continue to do so during this tough time.
We are also aware of the many stories and rumors that can accompany such events. We ask that you continue to keep the focus on Isabelle’s recovery and not necessarily on the events that have brought us to this unfortunate fight for her life. We ask that people don’t judge, but instead direct their positive energies on the recovery of this beautiful young lady.”

Seriously?  Haven’t you asked your community for enough?  They bought bracelets and t-shirts, they signed petitions and sent letters, they consistently fundraise. Your wife, who previously said the community’s continued support was “just so humbling and beyond generous and amazing”, just tried to kill your daughter.  How dare you even consider asking more of them.

Autism is no one’s choice, but the situation the Stapleton’s now find themselves is entirely Kelli Stapleton’s fault. Her choices to strong arm the insurance companies, the clinical organizations and therapists, the school district… all lead to this family’s back being against a wall and their daughter with no program to attend. Stressful as that is, killing her solves none of the problems, and further, doesn’t teach her mother to be less selfish.  Several news outlets (GOOGLE IT, I can’t link to them all) report that the “incident” was a murder-suicide… perhaps. But as we see entirely too often with filicide, the parent survives. THAT is why Kelli Stapleton has been charged with a crime, THAT is why Kelli Stapleton deserves to be in jail, THAT is why Matt Stapleton should get a good divorce lawyer.

I look forward to the comments and continuing coverage of this story. I can only hope it reaches national news channels and crime shows (I’m looking at you, Nancy Grace), and justice is properly served for this girl.

—————————————————————————————————————
UPDATE     Despite statements made to police that Stapleton believed it was time she and her daughter “went to heaven,” as she had reached “her wit’s end” with her daughter’s condition; a court appearance has been set to determine her competency in participating with her defense.  Stapleton admitted that she lured the girl to the family van, drugged her, and then set ablaze two charcoal grills to kill them both– because “this would be the best solution for the family” to end the her frustration with the girl’s condition– according to trial transcripts and a Michigan State Trooper affiliated with the case.
Kelli Stapleton’s husband, Matt, who is prinicipal of Frankfort High School, has petitioned for divorce and full custody of their three children.

I think it’s very clear what Stapleton’s motivations and intent were, and there should not be a judge or jury in the world compassionate enough to believe that a mother who claims to have devoted her entire existence, and blogged about it for all to see (praise), to creating a full life for her daughter, could have “snapped,” or behaved in such a way without premeditation.  This was her life for over a decade, which means she had nearly 4,000 days to consider how, when and where to kill her middle child.

 





My Break-Up with PEOPLE Magazine

26 01 2011

It’s called  magazine for a reason.
It’s supposed to feature all kinds of people, not just the famous ones.

I’ve had a subscription to People for 3 or 4 years, but bought it fairly regularly before that. I made the decision to ignore all of the “Renew Now!” letters and flyers that have arrived over the past few months and end my relationship with the weekly.

A) I don’t care about Justin Bieber’s haircut, or his “memoir,” or what he looks for in a woman. Good lord.
It seems as if the editors over at People have forgotten who they’re writing for.  Their target audience is between the ages of 18 and 54, but the content has not been a reflection of who/what 50-year-olds are interested in for some time.
How far have we fallen that this, this, or this are newsworthy?!

B) Yeah, yeah, Celebrity baby news.
What was once info relegated to the “Passages” page, now take up cover space (teasers) and full spreads inside.
Is it exciting to see who the newborn celeb offspring resembles? Yes. Is it worth publications spending millions of dollars to show us? No.  With the exception of Michael Jackson’s children, no one has been able to hide their kids forever (which in Hollywood time, is about 7 years).
Two actresses to make birth announcements this past week were Natalie Portman and Kate Hudson.
     

Natalie Portman is SO hot right now (An Oscar nom! 4 Films coming out in 2011!), and the fact that she will be taking time off from films to be a first-time mom makes such information timely.

But Kate Hudson? Why should we care? She hasn’t been in an even half-way decent film in a decade. She has gotten more press space and time for her failing relationships than for her work as an actress. I can remember the time between her divorce from Chris Robinson and this announcement not in order of what films she released, but in who she dated/broke-up with! It’s sort of sad that she has crossed over from being judged by her work and her professional accomplishments to being a tabloid fixture who seems to be nothing more than a serial-dater.

C) Fewer and fewer human interest stories.
They claim to be 50/50 coverage, but it really seems like 80/20 in some issues.
One of my professors said recently that Hollywood is being revered in this society as it was in the Great Depression, with film and television serving as “escapist entertainment.” I would have to agree.  In an uncertain world, I care less about replicating this or that celebrity style and more about the great, every day people that still exist.
Honestly, I want to know more about the extraordinary person living nextdoor than any celebrity gossip.  Even just a more researched, detailed, narrative account of a breaking national news story is appreciated!
For example, People magazine did a great job covering the death of Tyler Clementi last fall, and it was commendable for them to bump Mel Gibson’s baby mama drama off the cover…  Wait, did you read that? I just praised them for doing something that should not even have needed a moments thought. Is a wave of suicides among America’s gay youth more important than whatever Oksana Grigorieva has to say? Yes.

D) Poorly laid out website.
Admittedly, I check in daily- I have to double verify whatever gossip I read on PerezHilton! (He has said of PEOPLE, “Those bitches don’t confirm anything without a publicist!”)
But the usability of People.com is poor.  Their archive is not well organized, with search parameters returning irrelevant stories or blank documentaries (meaning the article existed, but is not digitally accessible).
The latest celeb tidbits are right there on the homepage, but juuust try to find a “Heroes Among Us” article.

I will undoubtedly thumb through the latest issue on my next stroll through WalMart, and I will no doubt buy copies in the future, but I could no longer justify the cost of a subscription for the unsatisfying content.  I will be looking to Rolling Stone, TIME, Newsweek, and just about any other contemporary publication to fill the hole left in my heart left by People.  (Suggestions welcome!)





“Tweet Me,” say Celebs on LGBT Outreach YouTube Channel

6 10 2010

In the last three weeks, there have been SEVEN reported suicides amonst teens identifying themselves with the LGBT community.

From Saugus, MA to Houston, TX to Tehachapi, CA- young men were driven by a not-so-normal breed of childhood bullies to hang, shoot, or drown themselves.

These facts and stories are horrific to hear, whether or not you are gay, straight, young, old, a parent, a student, Republican or Democrat.

As Sandra Bullock so beautifully stated in her 2010 Oscar acceptance speech:
“There’s no race, no religion, no class system, no color- nothing- no sexual orientation, that makes us better than anyone else.
We are all deserving of love.”

 

Author and internationally syndicated columnist Dan Savage founded the It Gets Better Project after learning of the death of 15-year-old Billy Lucas of Greensburg, Indiana.

Rooted in the ever-popular and accessable YouTube site, the program encourages members of the LGBTQ community, and it’s allies, to make personal videos for gay youth.

In the two weeks since the channel was made, over 13,000 users have “subscribed” to Savage’s content and over 1 million people have viewed the video posts.

Getting in on the action are some of Hollywoods most outspoken gay and lesbian figures: gossip blogger Perez Hilton, actor Neil Patrick Harris, and TV personality/comedianne Ellen DeGeneres. 

[ CLICK HERE for PEREZ HILTON “It Gets Better” VIDEO]

A few celebrities who have reached out on an even more personal level, encouraging the troubled, questioning teens to talk to THEM, if no one else.  Pop-rocker Joel Madden (of Good Charlotte) and 90s boy-bander AJ McLean (of the Backstreet Boys) back up their “it gets better” claims with the promise to be there for these frustrated, hurt, struggling kids themselves- citing their personal, individual availability on Twitter.  

[JOEL MADDEN VIDEO FOR IT GETS BETTER CAMPAIGN] –
@ [FOLLOW JOEL MADDEN ON TWITTER] @

 

[AJ MCLEAN SPEAKS TO GAY YOUTH VIA TRENDING YOUTUBE PROGRAM] –
@ [FOLLOW AJ MCLEAN ON TWITTER] @

 

We cannot let there be any more…  RIP
             Tyler Clementi, 18, Ridgewood NJ
             Seth Walsh, 13, Techachapi CA
             Billy Lucas, 15, Greensburg IN
             Asher Brown, 13, Houston TX
             Raymond Chase, 18, Monticello NY
             Felix Sacco, 17, Saugus MA
             Harrison Chase Brown, 15, Rand CO